My first thoughts

I am creating this blog for family and friends. And myself really. It's going to be a tool for answering questions, venting, explaining decisions, and remembering.

A couple of weeks ago, after canceling five previous appointments due to my fears, I decided to have the genetic testing done for the breast/ovarian cancer gene. I chickened out the first five appointments and only gained courage after one of my younger sisters had it done (she tested negative!). After meeting with a genetic counselor, I took the mini bottle of Scope mouth wash, swished, and spit into a vial to be sent away. Two weeks later, my world was rocked. BRCA1 positive. Even though deep down I knew that it was going to be positive, it didn't stop me from sobbing uncontrollably for many, many, many minutes.

What does that mean? It means my risk increases for breast cancer from the normal population's 8-12% to 87-90%. Yes, that says 90%.

The people closest to me know that I watched my mom battle breast cancer for 9 long years. She passed away when I was 16, after the cancer had spread to her lungs and brain. It was a very painful struggle that she went through full of multiple rounds of hair loss, bloating, chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, etc. I DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT. I do not want my 11 month old baby to watch his mom go through that.

In the past 2 weeks I have been to 5 doctors appointments. I went to an oncologist to talk about my options. Even just walking into something called "the cancer center" sent my stomach into cramps of anxiety. She turned out to be a wealth of information and encouragement. She set me up to have a blood test and ultrasound of my ovaries to test for Ovarian Cancer. Both tests came back clean! I also was set up for a breast MRI and a mammogram to test for Breast Cancer . Both tests also came back clean! This was a very, very good thing as I had been feeling like I was just a walking body full of cancer since I received my results. 

So now in two weeks, I meet with a plastic surgeon and general discussion to discuss my PBM (prophylactic  breast mastectomy). I have all these questions and after researching, a whole new vocabulary of words to go along with these questions...expanders, nipple sparing mastectomy, DIEM and TRAM flaps.

I have researched online, read blogs, participated in message boards, watched (scary) videos of surgeries, talked with women who have been diagnosed with cancer, and talked with women who have tested positive for the gene and have had preventative surgeries. I have talked to multiple doctors about options. Everything that I have read and everyone that I have talked to have pretty much had the same consensus: surgery is the way to go. Women who are fighting cancer tell me that if they had the choice, they would have 100% had the preventative surgery rather then fight the horrific battle of cancer they are currently engaged in. Women who have had the surgeries tell me that there has never been a regret.

So I am going to make the choice of removing my perfectly healthy breasts as a preventative measure. I am choosing to rid myself of the 90% risk, hopefully reducing that risk down to 5% or below. I am choosing not to spend my life screening every 3 months in hopes that cancer hasn't grown in my body. I am choosing not to have to fight a disease that has caused such sadness in my family.

I am choosing life over my boobs.