One month and three days

One month and three days till my surgery...but who's counting? Hmmm, guess I am.

I am really glad that  I waited until January to schedule my surgery. They offered an earlier date, but with the holidays I decided to wait.

Upsides to waiting:  I am enjoying party planning for my baby's first birthday party! We have been decorating for Christmas and shopping and wrapping and doing things that require a lot of energy, which I know I won't have for a couple weeks following the surgery. We will be doing a little traveling to see some family. And basically just overall enjoying the holiday season.

Downsides to waiting: I have begun to feel like a walking ball of cancer again. I guess this would be some positive reinforcement to my choice to have the surgery as just upping my screening would most likely have me in a continuous state of stress. I spent 2 days last week on the verge of tears for really no reason other then I felt scared. Scared about the surgery itself, scared about the pain afterward, scared about unknowns.  Part of me feels like a month and three days will never get here, and then the other part of me feels like it is no time at all.

Today two things happened to help me with some of my fear though. I received an unexpected card from someone telling me that they thought what I was doing was brave and exactly what they would do if they were in my shoes. And I received an unexpected phone message from someone else offering me encouragement. Both of these people came from people that I do not  talk to often, so it was a very fantastic reminder that I am loved by many.

So one month and three days to go....or rather one month and two and a half days now...but who's counting?