I haven't written in quite some time. I feel that this is due to the awesome fact that things continue to go really well for me. Physically, I feel fantastic. I know that healing continues, but I feel really good. I have occasionally had these phatom itchy experiances where I will feel like I am itching on an area of my breast and when I go to itch it, it's actually an area where I have no feeling. It's odd. But if that's the worst of it, I will take it!!
What prompted me to write today, was more of an emotinal issue. A mini break down. I was reading through the headlines on MSN.com and came across an article about the mayor of New York wanting to lock up baby formula in hopes of women breast feeding more. He is also posting all sorts of new posters up talking about all the wonderful, healthy benefits of breastfeeding over processed formula. And I get it! Believe me! I was not able to get my 20 month old to latch on when he was born, but by golly I hooked myself up to a breast pump many, many times a day and night to squeeze out every ounce of that liquid gold. It was not a beautiful bonding experiance like all the magazines and books talked about, but I was a determined and dedicated mom and my baby was going to have all of those benefits.
So today, reading this article (http://healthyliving.msn.com/pregnancy-parenting/advice/nyc-mayor-wants-to-lock-up-baby-formula-is-he-going-too-far), it makes me sad. My husband and I hope to have another baby in the near future and I will not be able to provide that liquid gold to him or her. And it leaves me feeling like a failure before we have even conceived. Out of ALL of the things that I thought about before my surgery, the ONLY downfall I ever came across was this one...I would not be able to breastfeed my next baby.
I know that being around is far greater then anything else. I do. But it doesn't stop my feelings of sadness and dissapointment in myself today.
